It’s a new month…new goals. :-P
I’m going to write a little about my history, so it all goes together very nicely.. Hopefully.
I’m Nina and 27 years old. I was raised COE. I used to have eating contests with my very overweight father. I would actually win a lot.
When I turned 20, I had my first daughter. After I had her, I was 214 pounds. I’m 4’11. I maintained that weight, because when you’re a single mother who never leaves the house, you don’t care/know how fat you are. That all changed at her first birthday party. Someone had video taped that party. I was wearing a Piglet shirt from Winnie the Pooh. Someone should have told me! When I watched that party tape I didn’t recognize myself at all! I saw myself for what I truly was, fat. Very fat, and very ugly. It happened one day. I had tried to purge when I was 16 and only did it once. This day, though, it was like a lightning bolt popped through my window and hit me and made me mia. I began purging EVERYTHING… I would even down glasses of water IN THE BATHROOM and purge those. I would make my daughter food and eat her left-overs (of tv dinners) and purge that while she banged on the bathroom door.
About a month after that lightning bold, another found it’s way to me. I stopped eating. Yes, completely. I carried a zip-lock baggie of Crystal Lite powder mix and a 1 liter bottle of water. I would re-fill the water bottle countless times a day and sprinkle the powder in it for flavor. I have pictures of family functions with this bottle sitting on the table. It says “Aquafina” but it’s a pink liquid. Anyway… I also bought Diet Fuel with ephedrine then. I took the full 9 pills a day maximum on the label. The not eating combined with the diet pills had me not sleeping as well. I was not exercising (yet), I was not obsessed with the scale (yet), that’s just the way it was. That’s when I discovered yahoo groups.
I joined a few groups and found out about Something Fishy. It had chats, and the groups had members with e-mails. I finally got up the nerve to introduce myself. I was purging, not eating, and not sleeping. I figured I fit with these people. They were doing the same things… Not true, they weren’t like me. They were BETTER THEN ME… they were in therapy. Suddenly I was convinced I was f*cked up completely. I did find the pro groups later… and I’m trying to become a little less long-winded lol
I weighed myself at one time during this time and was 106. I dropped from there, but like I said, I wasn’t obsessed with the scale yet… and I don’t know how much I weighed.
I met my now hubby then and got pregnant. Gained weight. After the baby I lost weight by obsessively working out and eating a protein bar broken into bits in a baggie during the day. Got pregnant again and had the baby this April.
So, my stats are now.
Workout more. Eat less. HARDCORE RESTRICTION. It’s time again… Take yahoo groups off digest and post more (off digest this morning and waiting to post starting w/this one) Post in journal at least 5 days a week.